The Mind Games That Keep You Stuck

And how to break free

Here I am again, with all these noises in my head, with poison and distress, it’s such a mess.

Their Machiavellian plots try to get me, silently destroying me. They seem harmless, so invisible, yet they’re unbeatable. But David beat Goliath, so can I, I am right?

But wait, who is Goliath here? It's my brain. I had to accept that my worst enemy is myself.

“The things you want are always possible; it is just that the way to get them is not always apparent. The only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life is you, and that can be a considerable obstacle because you carry the baggage of insecurities and past experience.” ― Les Brown

Inner chatter is a household name. It needs no introduction. It's our constant companion, for better or for worse. Some manage to get a hang of it and do not let it master their thoughts. For others, it takes over. It's a battlefield of games. Which one do you let it play and win? To get further, let's look at the games our Goliath masters so well:

The comparison game

You keep a count, right? So do I. We keep a track record of ourselves in comparison to others. No point in seeing what we have already achieved and battled; nooo, the comparison has to be with someone else. And then we see everything the other person has that we have not.

It is a vile, addictive game. In all foreign lives, everything seems thriving, but yours? Feeling stuck. Just when you think you're making progress—Oh, oh, what a surprise—someone outshines you. And that's the game. From an outside, it seems like some people are ahead while others are behind. But is that really true? You don't know many elements from the other person, so how can you compare? And yet, we do.

For instance, every time I go into Substack and read all these amazing writers, I am like, fuck, I feel like shit. I compare to everyone I see and read, dissecting how they all write better than me and do better than me. Everyone is great except me. And here it goes again, down to a spiral of shame.

So what happens after we lose the comparison game? We start playing another one: the game of undermining ourselves.

The put myself down game—cause why not?

There's no way to win. There's always someone more advanced than you. Goliath is growing confident that he can tear us down. And so the whispers begin. With every loss, they grow louder. We plummet.

Back to my writing, I've already lost the game. I feel too insecure and like crap. When someone told me they didn't know I had it in me (that I could write), I immediately felt awkward. My Goliath whispered, ‘You're not good enough. You're not Dostoyevsky or Chimamanda’ And of course I'm not, but is that even the point? Can't I just see how I'm learning and hopefully improving as I write more? No, I prefer to focus on all the talented writers out there and see how I am not as good as the rest.

So we lost the previous games. And we see that we are in a race. A race you created yourself. A race that you will never win and it will never end. It pushes you to a point of extreme fatigue. And we need our strength to beat Goliath. So we better buckle up.

The end game

I’ve seen firsthand the destructive nature of our inner chatter. It can be very paralyzing and counterproductive. In my makeup career, I later realized how the inner chatter killed me. It damages your confidence, and therefore it damages the way you see yourself. It reflects in how you present yourself to the world. My confidence hit rock bottom. It affected my job, the interactions I had, and my ability to stand up for myself.

Your mind can become your worst enemy. So, how do you beat your enemies? You start by recognizing them. The games are just made-up illusions. You can choose to stop playing.

Rewiring takes time. Shifting those thoughts takes effort. I have not completely mastered it, but I am aware. I can focus and be grateful for what I have, what I’ve achieved. What you believe about yourself shapes your actions and how you show up in the world. Don’t let inner chatter define your worth. Goliath only wins if you let him. Stop playing his games. Take back your confidence. Take back yourself.