It Wasn’t My Dream Anymore
Accepting that your dreams have changed and the heartache that comes from moving on from them
I know that moment when you realize what you dreamed and worked so hard for is no longer your passion. What you thought you wanted no longer feels right and becomes a heavyweight on you. You lose your sense of purpose and meaning, and start questioning why you are doing what you are doing.
I had that moment before starting my bootstrapping journey. I used to work as a makeup artist, and my big dream was to become one of the top makeup artists in the fashion industry. I moved to Paris to pursue my dream, but after five years of pouring my heart into it, I felt lost. I struggled to know where I was heading and didn't find meaning in what I was doing. I kept asking myself, 'Why am I doing this? I can't do this for the rest of my life.' I thought about all the ways I could shift my career. But unfortunately, my big dream came to an end.
When you realize this, it is a process of both grief and acceptance. It feels like a heavy storm is coming for you. Also, you may carry the weight of failure. Suddenly you haven't reached the ultimate goal of your dream. And that makes it harder for you to let go. For me, it was hard to accept that I wasn't going to reach that big goal. I still had a long way to go to reach it. But I had to accept it and digest the feeling of failure. It is better to leave than to force yourself to stay in a place where you know it is not for you and where you will not prosper.
A good way to reframe it and know if it's time to move on is to think about the benefits and the sacrifices. Jason Feifer, puts it perfectly:
“You keep asking yourself, “Is this worth staying for?”
But every benefit comes with a sacrifice. The benefit is your reward for choosing one thing over another.
* If someone works in the arts, they might be choosing the benefits of passion over financial security.
Is the benefit still worth the sacrifice — or is the sacrifice now larger than the benefit?
A benefit should help you reach your goals.
A benefit shouldn’t hold you back from goals.”
At first, the sacrifices of my career as a makeup artist were worth it. The benefits made up for them, as I was building the career I was passionate about. But in the end, I saw no real benefit from it. The sacrifices were not worth it. I questioned why I was putting up with it. It just didn't make sense to me anymore.
If you are going through something similar or simply reflecting on what you want for yourself, take a time to pause and reflect on:
* What kind of life do I want to create for myself?
* What are my goals and values?
* Do the benefits outweigh the sacrifices?
* Are your actions still helping you achieve your goals?
Questioning this helped me to move on. Accepting change is not easy. There are many doubts and the future will seem uncertain. But make a decision and embrace it. Don't obsess about the past. Accept that human beings change over time, and so do our dreams.
Remember: If you stay true to yourself, you will find your way forward.
And as a final note, I leave you with this quote:
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”
― Joseph Campbell