The good in the bad and the ugly

Finding the silver lining

“I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.”

― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Negativity moves and slides in very silently but firmly spreading like a virus. And it is highly contagious. Like a virus, you won't know you're infected until symptoms show. Therefore we must be aware and cautious. Sometimes the virus is spread by someone else's negativity, sometimes by life misfortunes. In any case, it is easy to be affected. It is not a pleasant moment, like when you feel you have caught the virus and you start to feel ill. So when I encounter those moments, especially those where I cannot exclude myself, I suffer. Then so I had to boost my immune system and find a way to cope. Because by allowing myself to stay in that situation or allowing myself to be affected by the negativity of others, I was the biggest loser in the equation. I had to learn to protect myself from it and to detach.

Here is my approach:

Embrace empathy

Lets be honest, other peoples negativity and whining is triggering, it sucks all the energy out of you. I am someone who is easily affected by this and sometimes I am afraid that I will explode. That's not a good outcome. You see, if you have any diplomacy in you, you know that sometimes it is not your place or the right place to just rant.

That’s why embracing empathy is a good approach to take. In those encounters I try my best not to judge other people's behavior and I try to be more understanding of what they might be going through. Sometimes they are in pain, sometimes it is just their nature and so in that case what can you do about it?, is out of your control so leave it there.

The good questions to ask

• "If this situation does not change and would last forever, what quality must I embody to have peace of mind?" - Michael Beckwith

  This has really stuck with me and I have asked myself this question many times. It helps to flip the situation around and ultimately focus on what you can do and control, which is yourself and your response.

• What can I learn from this?

  In moments when it's hard to understand others or the situation we're in, I find it helpful to reflect on myself and ask this question. This is related to the one above, and is where you can reflect and seek what it can teach you.

  For example, when I have encounters with very negative people, I reflect on past moments in my life when I was not doing well and it resulted in me being very difficult, so when I see certain behaviors it triggers me, but it reminds me to 1) be empathetic and 2) not be like that person. A reflection of what I don't want to be in life and how our actions and what we practice becomes who we are.

The game changer

Our mindset and our attitude towards life.

Lets face it, bad things happen, unexpected things will happen, we are all going to have to deal with hardships, certainly some much harder than others, the degree may vary but we are all going to face them and in our life experiences they may seem vanilla to some but to one going through it is tough. So to the point, so much is out of our control that we have to shift the focus to ourselves. I like the term Radical Acceptance by Marsha M. Linehan, generally speaking it means accepting things as they are rather than ignoring them, fighting them, or running away from them. It is the process of honoring those difficult situations and allowing your emotions to be, as it helps you process what you are going through and allows you to improve and move forward. Don’t let yourself be deplore by it. We can accept things and work towards a better feature.

Final thoughts

Let’s embrace and surround ourselves with more positivity and gratitude. As I grow older, I realize how lucky I am to have a very optimistic father. I was not aware of how beneficial this is for us and our own mental health, but as I encounter negativity and difficult moments, I see how the way we react and the attitude we have towards life and its circumstances has a massive impact on ourselves and the outcome. This is something that I really appreciate from Dad and that I try to learn from him and have a massive appreciation that I grew up with such environment.

Is important to be aware of our thoughts and attention, where it goes, because it defines a lot in how you show up and face life.